Quick answer · The MIAM series
Do both of you have to attend a MIAM?
The short answer
You attend separately, never together, and strictly only the person applying to court must attend. The court expects the other person to attend a MIAM too, and the mediator will invite them, but nobody can force them. One person’s MIAM is enough for a court application to proceed.
Who must attend, and who is expected to
The legal requirement in section 10 of the Children and Families Act 2014 sits on the applicant: before making a relevant family application, you must attend a MIAM unless an exemption applies. The Family Procedure Rules go further and say the respondent is expected to attend one too, so the court can ask your ex partner at the first hearing why they did not. Expected is not compelled, though, and their refusal never blocks your application.
Why you never attend together
MIAMs are individual by design. Each of you needs space to speak freely, and the meeting includes private screening questions about abuse and safety that cannot be asked honestly with the other person in the room. If mediation goes ahead, the joint work starts at the first mediation session, not the MIAM.
If your ex refuses their MIAM
The mediator records the refusal or non response, signs your form, and you can apply to court. Courts increasingly notice refusal, and since 2024 an unreasonable refusal to consider non court dispute resolution can carry a costs risk for the person refusing. Our guide to what happens when your ex refuses covers it fully.
Quick questions
Can we book a joint MIAM to save money?
No. MIAMs are individual meetings, and the safety screening they include only works one to one. Each of you pays for your own, typically around 130 to 150 pounds, and legal aid can make it free.
Does my ex refusing their MIAM stop my application?
No. The mediator signs your form recording the position, and your application proceeds. The refusal is visible to the court, not a barrier to you.
Keep reading
Sources: Section 10, Children and Families Act 2014; Family Procedure Rules Part 3. Checked 17 July 2026.
Written by the Mediation Guide editorial team and reviewed by an FMC accredited family mediator. Part of our complete MIAM guide.