What happens at a MIAM
Key facts
- A MIAM is a one-to-one meeting with a family mediator, usually 45 to 60 minutes, held without your ex present.
- The mediator explains your options, asks about your situation, and screens privately for domestic abuse and safeguarding concerns.
- Nothing is decided at a MIAM and attending does not commit you to mediation.
- If mediation is unsuitable or the other person will not take part, the mediator can sign your C100 or Form A so you can apply to court.
- What you say is confidential, subject to limited safeguarding exceptions.
If a solicitor, a court form or a well-meaning friend has told you that you need a MIAM, it is natural to wonder what you are walking into. The short answer is a structured but informal conversation with a trained mediator, on your own, about your separation and the ways you could resolve it. As our guide to what a MIAM is explains, the meeting is a legal requirement before most family court applications in England and Wales, but it is designed to inform you, not to judge you.
This page walks through the meeting step by step: booking, the questions you will be asked, the safeguarding checks, and what the mediator does at the end. Knowing the shape of the hour in advance takes most of the anxiety out of it.
Booking the meeting
You book a MIAM directly with a mediation service; there is no referral needed from a solicitor or the court. The mediator must be authorised by the Family Mediation Council (FMC) to conduct MIAMs, because only an authorised mediator’s signature is accepted on court forms. The FMC keeps a public register of local mediators, and most services offer both in-person and video appointments.
When you call or complete an enquiry form, the service will usually take some basic details: names, the broad nature of the dispute (children, finances or both), and any safety concerns. If your ex has already attended a MIAM with the same service, you can still use that service; you will simply see the mediator separately.
Most people can get an appointment within days rather than weeks. If you want to arrive feeling organised, our page on how to prepare for your MIAM covers what to bring and think about, though no preparation is strictly required.
The shape of the hour
A MIAM usually lasts between 45 and 60 minutes. It is held individually: your ex is never in the room, on the call, or told what you said. Some services book back-to-back MIAMs for both people on the same day; others see each person on different days entirely. Either way, the individual format is deliberate. It gives the mediator an honest picture of the relationship and gives you space to speak freely.
The meeting typically moves through five stages, set out in the table below. Mediators vary in style, and a good one will follow your concerns rather than a rigid script, but the ingredients are consistent because Practice Direction 3A and the FMC’s code of practice require certain things to happen.
| Stage | What happens |
|---|---|
| 1. Introductions | The mediator explains their role, confidentiality and its limits, and checks some personal details. |
| 2. Your situation | You describe the separation, the children, the finances and what you are trying to resolve. |
| 3. Screening | Private questions about domestic abuse, safety, and any child protection concerns. |
| 4. Options | The mediator explains mediation, other non-court routes, court, likely costs and legal aid or voucher funding. |
| 5. Assessment and next steps | You discuss whether mediation is suitable, whether to invite your ex, or whether the court form should be signed. |
What the mediator will ask you
Expect open questions rather than a form-filling exercise. The mediator will ask how long you were together, when you separated, and where things stand now. If you have children, they will ask their ages, where they live, and what contact is happening. If money is in dispute, they will ask in broad terms about the house, pensions, income and debts; you will not be asked to produce statements or valuations at this stage.
They will also ask what you want. That sounds obvious, but many people arrive having only thought about what they are against. A mediator will gently push for the positive version: what would a workable arrangement for the children look like, what would you need from a financial settlement to rehouse yourself.
Finally, they will ask about communication. How do you and your ex talk at the moment, if at all? Are there solicitors involved? Has anything been agreed already? These answers feed directly into the suitability assessment. If you want a fuller picture of the person across the table, our page on what a family mediator does explains their training and professional duties.
Domestic abuse and safeguarding screening
Every MIAM includes screening for domestic abuse, and mediators are trained to do it carefully. You will be asked whether you have ever felt frightened of your ex, whether there has been controlling or coercive behaviour, violence or threats, and whether there are any concerns about the children’s safety. The questions are asked of both people, separately, as a matter of routine, so being asked does not mean the mediator suspects anything.
Screening is one of the strongest arguments for the individual format. People disclose things alone that they would never say in a joint meeting. If abuse is disclosed, the mediator will discuss whether mediation is safe at all, whether adaptations such as shuttle mediation (where you sit in separate rooms) could help, or whether you should use the domestic abuse exemption and go straight to court.
If this is the part of the MIAM that worries you, our guide to domestic abuse evidence and the MIAM exemption explains the routes that avoid mediation entirely.
Your options, explained properly
The information half of the meeting is where the mediator earns the fee. They should set out each route open to you: family mediation itself, other forms of non-court dispute resolution such as collaborative law, arbitration or a private financial dispute resolution hearing, negotiation through solicitors, and applying to court. For each, expect a realistic account of cost, speed and what the process feels like.
Money should be covered specifically. The mediator will explain their own charges, check whether you might qualify for legal aid, and in children cases explain the family mediation voucher scheme, a government contribution of up to £500 towards mediation costs. They should also mention court fees, so you can compare like with like: as of 13 July 2026, a C100 children application costs £270.
A good mediator will not pretend mediation suits everyone. If your case genuinely needs a judge, perhaps because of safety issues or an ex who will not engage, they should say so. For a comparison of the alternatives in one place, see which NCDR option fits your situation.
The MIAM requirement has been part of the law since April 2014, when section 10 of the Children and Families Act 2014 came into force. Before that, attending a mediation information meeting was only an expectation under a court protocol, not a statutory rule.
The suitability assessment and what the mediator signs
Towards the end of the meeting, the mediator forms a view on suitability. They consider safety, whether both of you have the capacity to negotiate, whether there is enough willingness to make joint sessions worthwhile, and any urgency that points to court instead. This is a professional judgement, not a box-ticking exercise, and the mediator can decline to mediate even if both of you are keen.
If mediation looks viable and you want to try it, the mediator will contact your ex, usually by letter or email, inviting them to their own MIAM. If mediation is unsuitable, or your ex refuses or does not respond, the mediator completes the MIAM section of your C100 or Form A. That signature confirms attendance and the outcome category; it says nothing about what you discussed. The signed confirmation is treated as valid for four months.
Whichever way the meeting ends, you leave with your legal requirement satisfied and a clearer view of your options. The detail of each possible route from here is covered in what happens after a MIAM.
Is what you say confidential?
Yes, with narrow exceptions. The mediator will not tell your ex what you said, and the court only ever sees the confirmation of attendance and outcome. The exceptions are the ones you would expect from any regulated professional: if the mediator believes a child or adult is at risk of significant harm, or in certain cases involving criminal matters such as money laundering, they may have to pass information on. They will explain these limits at the start of the meeting.
One distinction is worth understanding early. The MIAM and any later mediation discussions are confidential and conducted on a “without prejudice” basis, meaning proposals made in mediation cannot normally be quoted in court. Factual financial disclosure produced later in mediation is treated differently, and can be reused. Our page on how family mediation works explains this in more depth.
Priya, a nurse from Cardiff, booked a MIAM expecting a formality before applying for a child arrangements order for her two sons, aged six and nine. She had not spoken properly to her ex, Daniel, since he moved out eight months earlier. The mediator spent the first twenty minutes just listening, then set out her options with costs alongside: mediation at a fixed fee per session, or a £270 C100 application and a likely wait of many months for a final hearing. Priya agreed to let the mediator invite Daniel, who attended his own MIAM ten days later.
Three joint sessions later they had a written schedule covering term time, alternate weekends and Christmas. The court application Priya thought was inevitable was never issued.
Frequently asked questions
How long does a MIAM take?
Most MIAMs last between 45 and 60 minutes. Some run shorter if your situation is straightforward, and some mediators allow up to 90 minutes where there is a lot to cover. It is a single meeting: you do not normally need more than one unless four months pass before you use it.
Will my ex be at my MIAM?
No. A MIAM is always held individually, whether in person or by video. Your ex attends their own separate meeting if they choose to engage, and the mediator will not tell either of you what the other said. This separation is deliberate and allows honest answers to the safeguarding questions.
Do I have to agree to mediation at the MIAM?
No. The MIAM satisfies your legal requirement whether or not you go on to mediate. You can take time to decide, ask the mediator to invite your ex, or ask for the court form to be signed if mediation is unsuitable. Mediation itself is voluntary for both people throughout.
Can I bring someone with me to a MIAM?
Usually yes, if you ask in advance. Many mediators are happy for a friend or relative to sit in for support, provided they do not speak for you and the mediator can still ask the screening questions privately. A new partner is generally discouraged, as their presence can complicate later mediation.
What should I bring to the meeting?
Nothing is compulsory. It helps to know rough figures for the house, mortgage, pensions and incomes if finances are in dispute, and to have thought about what arrangements you want for the children. Bring any court papers if proceedings have already started. Photo ID is sometimes requested for the file.
Sources
- Practice Direction 3A, Family Procedure Rules, what a MIAM must cover and who may conduct one (accessed July 2026).
- Children and Families Act 2014, section 10, the statutory requirement to attend a MIAM before a relevant family application (accessed July 2026).
- Family Mediation Council code of practice, mediator duties on screening, confidentiality and impartiality (accessed July 2026).
- Family Mediation Council: find a local mediator, the public register used to book a MIAM with an authorised mediator (accessed July 2026).
- GOV.UK: family court fees (EX50), the £270 C100 fee quoted as of 13 July 2026.
- GOV.UK: family mediation voucher scheme, the £500 voucher explained at MIAMs in children cases (accessed July 2026).