Quick answer · The MIAM series
Safeguarding questions at a MIAM: what to expect
The short answer
Every MIAM includes screening: private questions about domestic abuse, controlling behaviour and the safety of you and your children. They exist to protect you, not to judge you, and your answers shape whether and how mediation goes ahead, in separate rooms, online, or not at all. What you disclose is not shared with your ex partner.
What the screening covers
The mediator will ask whether there has been violence or threats, whether you feel controlled, monitored or afraid, whether the children have seen or heard anything worrying, and whether anything about the separation feels unsafe. The questions are direct because vague questions get vague answers, and the mediator needs the truth to keep the process safe.
What the mediator does with your answers
Three things can follow. The mediator may conclude mediation is unsuitable and sign your court form so you can apply without further steps. They may adapt the format, for example shuttle mediation in separate rooms or fully online sessions, so you never face your ex partner. Or, where there are no concerns, mediation proceeds normally. They will also signpost support services where that would help, and your answers may mean you qualify for a MIAM exemption with domestic abuse evidence.
Confidentiality, and its honest limits
What you say at a MIAM is confidential and is not passed to your ex partner. The limits are narrow and the mediator will explain them at the start: where there is a risk of serious harm to a child or another person, mediators have a duty to act. That duty exists to protect people, and it is the same standard every professional working with families follows. You will never be pressured to mediate, and saying no to mediation after screening is a legitimate outcome, not a failure.
Quick questions
Do I have to talk about the abuse in detail?
Share what you feel safe sharing. Even a brief indication changes how the mediator handles everything else, and you control the depth.
Will my ex partner find out what I said?
No. Screening answers are not shared. If mediation proceeds in an adapted format, the mediator does not reveal why the format was chosen.
Keep reading
Sources: Family Mediation Council standards and code of practice. Checked 17 July 2026.
Written by the Mediation Guide editorial team and reviewed by an FMC accredited family mediator. Part of our complete MIAM guide.