Holidays, birthdays and special days
Key facts
- School holidays are commonly divided equally, alternated by year, or fixed by agreement in a parenting plan.
- Christmas, Eid and other religious days are often alternated year to year so each parent shares them in turn.
- Birthdays can be shared, alternated, or marked with a short visit whichever home the child is in that day.
- Taking a child abroad usually needs the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or a court order.
- Planning special days in advance, and writing them into your plan, prevents most last-minute disputes.
Ordinary weeks are only half the picture. School holidays, festivals and birthdays are often where separated parents feel the pressure most, because they carry so much meaning. This guide sets out practical, fair ways to share the special days, and what the rules are if you want to take your child abroad.
These arrangements usually sit inside a wider child arrangements plan. There is no single legal formula, so the aim is a pattern both homes think is fair and that the children can look forward to.
How do separated parents share school holidays?
School holidays usually break the normal weekly routine, so it helps to plan them separately. Three approaches are common. You can split each holiday down the middle, so the children spend half with each parent. You can alternate whole holidays by year, for example one parent has the February break in even years and the other in odd years. Or you can fix the split by agreement to suit work patterns and family traditions.
| Approach | How it works | Good for |
|---|---|---|
| Split each holiday | Divide every holiday roughly in half | Parents who both want time in every break |
| Alternate by year | Swap whole holidays year to year | Longer breaks, travel, and simpler planning |
| Fixed by agreement | Set who has which holiday based on work and family plans | Parents with predictable but different schedules |
Longer summer holidays often work best split into blocks, so neither parent has the children for six weeks straight and neither goes six weeks without them. You can sketch out a full year of breaks with our holiday planner.
Christmas, Eid and religious festivals
Festivals matter, and few parents want to miss them every other year without a plan. The most common approach is to alternate: one parent has Christmas Day or the main day of Eid this year, the other has it next year. Some families split the day itself, for example Christmas morning in one home and the afternoon in the other, though this only works if the homes are close.
If the two of you follow different faiths or traditions, that can actually make planning easier, because each parent naturally takes the festivals that matter most to them. This is common in blended families, where children may celebrate more than one set of traditions. The key is to agree the pattern well ahead of time so the children know what to expect.
Tip
Agree festival arrangements months in advance, not in December. Last-minute negotiations over Christmas or Eid are stressful for everyone and hardest of all for the children.
Birthdays and other special days
Birthdays are easier than they feel. Some parents alternate the birthday itself year to year. Others let the child spend the day in whichever home the routine puts them in, and the other parent marks it a day or two either side. Many simply agree a short visit or a phone call so both parents share in the day. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day usually go to the relevant parent, whatever the normal routine says.
Whatever you choose, the guiding question is what the child will enjoy, not what feels equal to the adults. A child does not need two identical parties. They need to feel loved by both parents and free of any sense that they are letting one down.
Taking a child abroad
Holidays abroad have an extra layer to think about. You normally need the permission of everyone with parental responsibility before taking a child out of the United Kingdom, or a court order. The main exception is that a parent who has a child arrangements order stating the child lives with them can take the child abroad for up to 28 days without separate permission, unless a court order says otherwise.
In practice, the simplest approach is a short written consent letter from the other parent, giving the trip dates and their contact details, which you carry with the child’s passport. If a move abroad is permanent rather than a holiday, that is a different and more serious question covered in our guide to relocation and moving away with children, and cross-border cases may need international family mediation.
Under the Child Abduction Act 1984 it is an offence to take a child under 16 out of the United Kingdom without the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or the leave of the court. The exception is that a person named in a child arrangements order as the person the child lives with may remove the child for up to 28 days without that consent. If agreement is impossible, either parent can ask the court to decide under section 8 of the Children Act 1989.
A year-round plan: sharing each school break
It helps to look at the whole year at once rather than one holiday at a time. The table below shows approaches parents commonly use for each break. There is no legal formula, so treat it as a starting point you can adjust to suit work, travel and family traditions.
| Break | Common approach |
|---|---|
| October half term | Alternate whole by year, or split in half |
| Christmas and New Year | Alternate the main day year to year; the other parent often has New Year |
| February half term | Alternate whole by year, opposite to October |
| Easter | Split in half, or alternate, with religious days shared by agreement |
| May half term | Alternate whole by year |
| Summer | Divide into blocks so neither parent has six weeks straight, with room for a holiday each |
Splitting the summer holidays
The long summer break causes the most planning, because it is long enough for holidays abroad and for childcare to matter. A common approach is to divide it into blocks of one or two weeks each, alternating through the break, so neither parent has the children for six weeks without a rest and neither goes six weeks without seeing them. Agreeing the dates early, ideally by the spring, lets both parents book time off and holidays with confidence. If one parent wants a longer single block for a trip, that can be balanced by giving the other parent a matching block or extra time elsewhere. You can sketch a full year with our holiday planner.
Taking a child abroad: what a consent letter should include
If you are taking the children abroad, the simplest way to show you have the other parent’s agreement is a short written consent letter carried with the passports. Border officials can ask to see it, especially if the child has a different surname from the accompanying parent. A useful letter covers the points below.
| Include | Detail |
|---|---|
| Who consents | The other parent’s full name, confirming they agree to the trip |
| Who is travelling | The child’s name and date of birth, and the accompanying parent’s name |
| When and where | The destination, and the dates of departure and return |
| Contact details | A phone number and address for the consenting parent |
| Signature | Signed and dated, ideally with a copy of the consenting parent’s ID |
A parent named in a child arrangements order as the person the child lives with may take them abroad for up to 28 days without separate permission, unless an order says otherwise. A permanent move is a very different matter, covered in our guide to relocation and moving away with children.
Common holiday flashpoints and how mediation helps
Special days carry a lot of feeling, so a few issues come up again and again. Clashing bookings happen when both parents plan a trip in the same block, which a shared calendar and early dates prevent. Passport holding can become a sticking point, so many parents agree who keeps the passports and how they are handed over for a trip. Term-time holidays are another, because taking a child out of school in term can lead to a fine, so it helps to agree that holidays stick to school breaks. And some parents like a right of first refusal, where a parent who cannot cover their own time offers it to the other before arranging childcare. A mediator can settle each of these in advance and write them into your parenting plan, so the special days stay something the children look forward to.
Notice, planning and a shared calendar
Most holiday disputes come down to timing rather than principle, so a little structure removes a lot of tension. Agreeing how much notice each parent gives before booking a trip, for example a month for a short break and longer for anything abroad, means neither parent is caught out. A shared calendar that both homes keep up to date is one of the simplest tools there is, showing at a glance who has the children on any given date and where any booked holidays fall. It also helps to agree a fair way to choose first in years when a popular week, such as the last week of the summer, is in demand, perhaps alternating who picks first each year. When the plan is written down and visible to both parents, the children benefit twice over: the adults argue less, and the children can look forward to trips and festivals knowing they are settled. This kind of forward planning sits naturally alongside good co-parenting communication.
Nadia and Tom both dreaded Christmas after they separated. In mediation they agreed a simple rota: Nadia has the children on Christmas Day in even years, Tom in odd years, and the other parent always has Boxing Day. They also agreed that whoever takes the children abroad sends the dates and a short consent note in advance. Two years on, the festive tug-of-war has gone, and the children know the plan.
Frequently asked questions
How are school holidays usually divided?
Commonly they are split down the middle, alternated whole by year, or fixed by agreement to suit each parent’s work. Longer breaks such as summer are often divided into blocks so neither parent has too long a gap.
Do we alternate Christmas every year?
Alternating Christmas year to year is the most common approach, so each parent shares the main day in turn. Some parents who live close split Christmas Day itself between the two homes.
Do I need permission to take my child on holiday abroad?
Usually yes. You need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or a court order. A parent named in a child arrangements order as the person the child lives with can take them abroad for up to 28 days without extra permission.
What should a consent letter for travel include?
A short letter from the other parent confirming they agree to the trip, the dates, the destination and their contact details. Carry it with the child’s passport in case you are asked at the border.
What if we cannot agree on holiday arrangements?
Mediation is a good place to work out a fair pattern in advance. If you still cannot agree, a court can decide a specific issue under section 8 of the Children Act 1989, always guided by the child’s welfare.
Who keeps the child’s passport after separation?
There is no fixed rule. Many parents agree that one parent holds the passports and hands them over for a trip, or that they are kept in a neutral place. Writing this into your parenting plan avoids a scramble before a holiday.
Can I take my child on holiday during the other parent’s time?
Only by agreement. Holidays usually come out of your own time, or you swap time so the other parent is not short-changed. Agreeing how holidays interact with the normal routine in advance prevents most disputes.
What if the other parent will not sign a consent letter?
Try to understand and address their concerns first, in mediation if needed. If agreement is impossible, you can ask the court to decide a specific issue under section 8 of the Children Act 1989, and the child’s welfare guides the decision.
Can we take the children out of school for a holiday in term time?
Usually not without the school’s agreement, and an unauthorised term-time holiday can lead to a penalty notice. Most parents plan holidays around the school breaks, which is one reason to share the breaks fairly.
Sources
- GOV.UK, Get permission to take a child abroad, gov.uk. Accessed 9 July 2026.
- Child Abduction Act 1984, section 1, legislation.gov.uk. Accessed 9 July 2026.
- GOV.UK, Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate, gov.uk. Accessed 9 July 2026.